MEET THE FAMILY **DRAFT 2.28**

	HI, I’M BUTCH! (Teddy) I'm rude, crude and classless! I got a bad gut so I pass nasty green clouds all day long. Sometimes I have a "little accident", so I smell like baby poop most the time. I spend a lot of time in Tri-Pukes collecting old ladies for my fan club. I feel like a big ol teddy bear stud muffin when I’m in that room. Too bad I ain’t really a guy.  HA!
	LIZZIE (Boos) Lizzie actually got some brains and used to have manners, but it seems that lately me and Herlicker been rubbin off on her cuz she's gettin real nasty. Too much butt rot boogie in Pukes. Think Lizzie’s even got a hairy mole or two NOW+. Isn't that somethin! Our Lizzie loves to be sneaky, smile to your face and laugh behind yer back. Whatta girl!  But it's all in fun...at least it used to be.
	POOPIE LIZZIE (Judie) This be my twin sister. Poor girl has never been more than 100 feet away from a toilet! Depends don't work for a poop problem bad as hers, so Sis didn't leave the house for years, until we all pitched in and bought her a collapsible portapotty, HA! She takes that crapper with her everywhere now, even on dates!
	SKITZY PERV LIZZIE (Herl) Cousin "Herlicks" Skitzy Perv, we gotta keep a close watch on her, when she gets drinkin she starts saying pervy stuff about people’s kids and drools worse than one of her dogs. Guess we need to get that one spayed.
	IMA LIZZIE (I’m a bad girl!) Cousin Ima is a perfect example of what comes of inbreeding if ya aren’t real careful. She ain’t exactly stoopid, but she’s got a bunch of throwback traits that can be pretty annoyin, like scratchin her ass and then smellin her fingers or throwin feces at us. Damn girl’s always pickin through our hair lookin for lice (which are pretty good protein, actually, if ya eat enough of em!)
	NUMBER TWO LIZZIE (nanny) (#2, get it? Wink wink HA!) #2 doesn’t say much unless there’s a brawl goin on, but she’ real sneaky and gathers info for us. I like sneaky old broads. Who needs nice? Poo!
	SANCTIMONIOUS LIZZIE (OC) Here’s one that just can’t seem to say anything nice, even when she tries. Everything that comes outta her mouth has a lil barb in it if ya look close, or it’s a pat on her own back or a brag about how wonderful and good she is or how much she has. Sometimes you want to stuff a dildo down that throat n shut her up. HA!
	BLOCKHEAD LIZZIE AKA KNOBHEAD(gearhead) Cousin Blockhead, the identity-challenged IT flunky,  dropped in and made herself ta home pretty much like Closet did. Blockhead looked to see who was room boss and attached herself to Nozey Lizzie like a tick on a hound.  Ol Knobhead is a snipey, condescending phony. She has a big problem now that Nozey is a black sheep so she’s hopped onto the fence and she’s lookin for a new master to parrot. Baaaaa!
	NOZEY LIZZIE (pristy) Prissy cousin Nozey was our chief snake in the grass, but she recently got an epiphany about trashin n bashin and now she’s all kissy with them guys we hate. Me n my nasty Lizzies  are thinkin ol Nozey has lost it and we might have to put her in the black sheep corral. But none of us want ta piss her off, cuz she would turn on us on a dime.
	DIZZIE LIZZIE (lady) This one don’t have a whole lot goin’ on upstairs except fairies and butterflies, if you know what I mean. But she’s always a lil lady and smilin n laughin n singin, so we just let her be.
	FLOOZIE LIZZIE (jazzy) Kinda like Dizzie Lizzie in a way, only trashier. She sure was jazzy in her day! This one really loves her hooch but it don’t make her mean so we don’t care if she gets shitface as a skunk. Well, she’s been gettin kinda mean lately from hangin around with us, but I don’t think she realizes it. This one’s crazy in love with me even though she knows I aint really a guy. Hmmm….
	CLOSET CLONE LIZZIE (shop girl) This one has all the qualities we hold highest in a gang, er, family member: a nasty skank hidin behind a kissypoo clone name, mental deficiencies, no morals, lies through her teeth. Hey, she cybers all the guys late at night, even the married ones. And, because she shamelessly worships me, we overlook her terminally lame and annoyin personality.
	FLAKEY LIZZIE (kale) Flakey, she’s kinda unstable and flies off to the Bahamas now and then n don’t need no airplane, if you know what I mean. I don’t think she came back from that last trip, ain’t seen her for awhile. But don’t underestimate this one. She knows a phony and a skank when she sees one and aint afraid to cut em off at the knees.
	BLACK SHEEP LIZZIE (hydee) All of us guys are crazy, but this one went way off the deep end and turned on us like a mad dog. No problem, we just stomped her into the ground then threw her under a bus. Ghost keeps coming back to haunt us, guess it don’t know it’s dead.
	BLACK SHEEP BUTCH (phil) This is Black Sheep Lizzie’s twin. He’s a real pain in the ass, always crampin my style with the silly old wimmen. But I finally got him run outta town and outta the competition. So how do ya like me now, butt wipe? HA!
	HACK DADDY (dad) This has gotta be the meanest, nastiest sonofabitch south of Detroit, and that’s when he’s sober, which aint too often. Ya outta hear him when he’s got a snootful! He does a lot of braggin about what a genius he (thinks he) is on the puter, and he hates women. He likes to lead one on sometimes, though, so he can dump her once she takes the bait. It’s all fun.
	WHALE BELLY BUTCH (red) Ol’ Whale Belly, his prime done come and gone years ago and he’s put on a couple hunnert pounds, bigger’n the Pillsbury doughboy, but he still tries to come on as a totally hot stud. Gets real mean if the ladies don’t  swoon when he enters a room and mutes em. Like they care! He just don’t get it, period.
	OLD GEEZER (dances) Old Geezer is a friend of the family. Poopy sis is crazy about the ornery old fart and loves spendin time with him. Poopy’s hooked on his dirty talk and she likes all the dark and secret stuff he does on his pc and the internet. Not all of it is exactly legal, but who cares? Let er rip! And he aint as smart as he tries to tell ya he is. And hey, he’s really really old.
	COUSIN TECHIE LIZZIE (?)Cousin Techie doesn’t hang with us, but she helps us out once in awhile when we need something done that requires brains. She isn’t like the rest of us, we still tryin to figure out what happened. Maybe she was adopted.
	THE EDITOR ;) This be the bitch that runs the blog. It’s real nice of her to give us this nifty outlet for spewin our venom. She sometimes puts in her own two cents, weird stuff but we put up with it because well, we have no choice.